Finding the Lost Naked

Ah, youth.  There’s something about traveling with a pair of twenty-somethings that transported me back to my college days — minus the giggles and the absentmindedness.  Oh, wait. . .. I’d met my then-boyfriend, now-husband a week into Freshman year, so maybe I’d better take that back. . ..

But I digress.

After three days of celebrating the wedding of the decade – Yes, Mrs. Enriquez, it’s true! – Cousin, Niece, and I were exhausted and ready to return home.  Never mind that Virgin America had the coolest plane any of us had ever been on, so leaving didn’t seem like such a huge burden. Where else could you cruise the internet, choose from a huge selection of streaming movies and TV shows (HGTV, anyone?), listen to an equally large amount and variety of music, order flight attendant service, and message a fellow passenger all from the comfort of your seat?  (Umm. . . Yeah.  We sat together and messaged each other.  Did I mention I was traveling with twenty-somethings?)

And it would’ve been perfect, too, if we hadn’t lost the Naked.

The Naked is a type of juice that costs about $100 at the airport, and which you guard with every breath left in you since a plane purchase would likely be more than $100 – provided it was even available, of course.

So it was with great disappointment when Cousin settled in, reached for the Naked out of her carry-on, and it was nowhere to be found.  Having the aisle seat, I was charged with the pleasant activity of scanning the aisle in case it had fallen out as we banged our way through.  (Some people shouldn’t wear sandals.  Ever.  Just sayin’. . ..)  Perhaps, we reasoned, it had been kicked off to the side somewhere and was sadly laying there, waiting to be found.  (*Insert giggles*  Umm. . . the twenty-somethings, remember?)  After a few minutes of searching – stopping just short of crawling on my hands and knees – there was no such luck.

The Naked had disappeared.

And so began our dive into the possible ways the Naked could’ve been lost in such a woefully short time and what we should do about it.  (*With even MORE giggles*)  In the end, we all arrived at the same conclusion.  Some other passenger had found the satisfyingly cold Naked and was now pressing it to his lips.  And on my Ben Franklin, no less.  (Swine!)  P1140089

Of course, the Naked showed up again. . .. After we landed.  Of all the possible places we could’ve looked, it never dawned on us that the Naked might have lodged itself between Cousin’s seat and the side of the plane (serves her right for wanting the window).

My advice: Don’t travel with a Naked.  But if you have to, make sure to keep it well within your grasp.  And if it disappears, move your butt over.  You just might find it there. 🙂

-Melia

And They Lived Happily Ever After

I love weddings.  Seriously.  What romance writer doesn’t?  Something magically cool takes place during the ceremony, something that grips you soul-deep and makes you believe in a happily-ever-after.  *Blissful Sigh*

Me and a Junior Bridesmaid (she's like 11. . . and I'm wearing a pair of heels)
Me and a Junior Bridesmaid (she’s like 11. . . and I’m wearing a pair of heels)

Yep, I’d been to one not that long ago.  Unfortunately, La Muse showed up, too.  Her cigar smoke circled around me throughout the ceremony, and she wove snippets of conversation around stuff that wasn’t exactly appropriate for a traditional Catholic wedding.  Big surprise, huh?

And she didn’t get any better as the night wore on, either, whispering in my ear throughout the reception, and even past it.  In fact, she hasn’t quit in the weeks since, and I’m tired of hearing her whine.  This is why you’re all the lucky recipients of her random thoughts on how to throw the perfect wedding . . .. I swear these are the tamer ones!  Marco Fern G2

1)  It’s okay to invite your ex-husband.  Who else is going to drive over 1200 miles round trip to schlep over the gifts from your engagement party? (Although my cousin should’ve taken him up on his offer to walk her down the aisle, too!)

2)  When the dude responsible for coning off a spot in front of the church approaches your vehicle with a frantic look on his face, don’t panic.  See, some members of the male species are thoroughly confused about a wedding, so carefully explain the “RESERVED FOR THE BRIDE” sign wasn’t meant to go around the groom’s neck.  Instead, point at the cones he’d just placed, smile gently, and tell him to get back to work.

Dancing with my special guy!  (I totally miss you!)
Dancing with my special guy! (I totally miss you!)

3)  Do not be surprised that the nieces and nephews in your family keep growing even if you’re not around.  This is what happens when parents keep feeding them. . ..

4)  Beware the uncles!  They are the up and coming patriarchs of the family, and they take that role seriously, watching every member of the clan with the kind of super-power relegated to airport baggage scanners that detect the liquid in your carry-on is *gasp* an ounce over the limit.

Unfortunately, this also means they count the number of shots you’d had. . .. And they *will* cut you off.  How to avoid this?  Buy them a few rounds and have them tell you about the “good old days” when they were hell raisers – and, man, are there stories. . ..

5)  For the bride and groom: the dancemake sure any changes to the evening’s activity is passed on to the dude you’d selected to emcee the event.  Otherwise, don’t be surprised if he runs around the room while you’re doing your intro dance asking, “What are they doing?  Look (shoves paper in guest’s face) it’s not anywhere on the agenda!”  (Smiling, Michael!  Smiling!)

6)  When sister-of-the-bride starts hooking people up, let her. And when it involves someone you discover you’d never invited, be grateful it was the bartender and not some random dude pulled from the hotel lobby.

7)  Patron shots probably aren’t the best idea before the wedding party is introduced at the reception.

Me and Art rockin' the moves!  Note to Uncles: Patron was not involved.  :-)
Me and Art rockin’ the moves! Note to Uncles: Patron was not involved. I swear!

Oh, who am I kidding?  It’s the greatest idea ever!  I still don’t know how some-of-us-who-shall-remain-nameless managed to dance in without tripping. . ..

8)  No matter how conservative your position is in the “real world,” sexy moves on the dance floor are allowed.  After all, you’re in the cone of safety, surrounded by family and close friends, peeps who’d have your back no matter what.  (Okay, everyone hold hands now and sing Kumbaya.)  Just don’t expect any of us to forget it, either!  😉

9)  Hooker-shoes are great for the ceremony, but be sure to bring a sensible pair to wear to the reception.  Unless, of course, you can dance in hooker-shoes without tripping.  At which point I’d have to admit I hate you.

10)  The money dance is one of the most Money Danceawesome Filipino traditions. . .. EVER! Not only do the bride and groom get to dance with the cutest guests, but they get paid, too.

Remember to have adults help the little ones pin the bills on, though.  Otherwise, there’s a good chance you’ll find one poking through your corset later.

Mr. and Mrs. Enriquez

Ah, good times!

My greatest wishes for a lifetime of happiness to you, Cousin and New Cousin.

Love you both very much!

-Melia